Helpful Advice
A young individual recently asked me for the most crucial advice regarding their future. I appreciated the question; I consider it an honor when I am asked by someone to offer my thoughts; if they think enough of my opinion to ask me a question, I believe I owe them a thoughtful answer. I guess it is because I recall my earlier days seeking counsel from experienced people; like most aspiring businesspeople, I was eager to learn. When a response to my inquiries showed sincere effort to provide guidance, I noticed and frankly never forgot the person’s insight.
If I am being honest, being asked to identify the most important advice I could offer has occurred more than a few times; I understand. We all want to believe in a simple, silver bullet; something that, if we do it, will ensure success. The problem is there isn’t a single answer. In fact, when someone responds with the expected “hard work, passion, love what you do, blah, blah, blah,” they are offering a perspective that is fraught with problems. You may disagree with that view, and that’s okay. However, hard work or passion does not always lead to success or happiness. In fact, I can’t think of one thing that if you do it, you have found the key and your life will be all you want.
Giving advice is a funny thing. It typically falls into two categories: advice that the listener seeks, and advice they never asked for, but you want to give them. We all know the people who find joy in offering their opinions on everything. Progressive Insurance has an advertising campaign lampooning people who can’t help themselves; they feel the need to offer their opinion on every topic. I don’t know about you, but these people drive me crazy. A habitual advice giver provides little value to a conversation. In fact, they likely create the opposite of what they seek; the receiver of their unwanted wisdom learns to ignore them.
The difference between sought advice and unsolicited opinions is an important distinction. One that took me some time to appreciate. I am not sure of the moment I realized that most people didn’t want to hear my freely offered opinions. But somewhere over the last ten years, I noticed how people perceived me. I also reflected on what I wanted people to think about me and how I wanted to provide value in the future. Those self-reflections led me to a more reserved approach.
It may sound silly, but I hope I am known as someone whose experience allows for counsel, wisdom, and restraint; someone who challenges others to think. This approach may mean few people think of me in any light for advice; that would be fine. People will not accept your advice if you constantly offer it to anyone near you.
We live in a world of influencers; for the life of me, I don’t get it. I know age contributes to my ignorance, but forgive me for saying this: what have influencers done to warrant their thoughtful advice? Even when I was a young whippersnapper, full of myself and certain I was right, I knew that those who had lived longer and seen more had knowledge I lacked.
Why is it that we now place so much emphasis on identifying and following people who have a style? Where is the substance? I am sure there are influencers who possess a vault of knowledge, and I could learn from them; I am also sure it is a small list.
How would you answer the question, what is the most important advice someone should follow? It is a question, I humbly suggest, that you should ask yourself. Having a perspective when asked is important not only for the moment but also because I believe it will inform your life’s journey. I know considering how to answer this question brought me value.
As I have stated, I don’t think the answer lies in a simple focus. In fact, I don’t think it relates to active behavior. I think the answer is to give yourself a break. Don’t worry so much or sweat every little thing.
Ever ask yourself if you could change something in your past, what would it be? I think most people have wondered about this, and I think often people tie their answer to an event. Not me. I wouldn’t change any specific event. I have thought about it and have identified many things that would have altered my life if I had chosen another path. Of course, most of the things in this category are moments that end up badly.
Because the outcome was negative is the exact reason I wouldn’t want to change it. Life is about all the experiences, the good and the bad. They mold who we are, inform us, and enrich our journey.
If given a choice between two people: one who has the perfect life, and one who has had their struggles, which one do you want to get wisdom from? That is easy for me. Give me the person who has lived a full life and survived. Their advice should be rich with examples of all that can occur.
When asked by young people to give them guidance about an important thing to remember, my answer typically leaves them wanting more. I can see it on their faces. They assume some brilliant words of wisdom are coming; they should know better. I think they expect more because they have asked others this question and watched as the person gave an answer that sounded good, maybe even self-congratulatory. Suggestions that sound overwhelming; answers that, if the truth be told, don’t reflect the life of the person who gave the answer.
I have watched this before. I taught for a few years at the College of Business at the University of Tennessee. It was an environment that fostered the pursuit of answers. It was also a place where I observed students asking visiting business leaders for guidance, only to witness the silliest answers. I was stunned at how often the response was little more than blather. I saw no one answer with humility and a forthright truth about the honest challenges that lay ahead.
That experience informed me and led me to a place where I would rather be honest than cool.
Young people today face the damnest world imaginable. They are being asked to fit into the current environment without being given tools to figure it out. I cannot fathom what it must be like to be a senior in college, graduating next month, and facing this job market. That is why the best answer to the question is to give yourself a break. Allow yourself to figure it out; you don’t have to have all the answers right now. Time will instruct you, build you, and guide you.
My advice is: don’t worry all the time. Most young people have this elevated view of their parents and successful people. They don’t know the hardships they experienced; much of this is because they haven’t faced hardships yet; however, they are about to.
If I could go back in time, that is the one thing I would change. I wouldn’t worry all the time. As a friend told me once, “There is no need to bother things to worry about.”
I don’t think it’s fair to give someone the belief that simple steps are all you need to achieve success. It isn’t fair to paint a rosy picture when the canvas is still blank. It isn’t helpful to be ready with advice when the advice you give doesn’t reflect your historic choices. What we need are helpful people; not help from people who give advice because it makes them feel better.